"The Talk"

I have been doing some thinking about that critical juncture in any relationship known as "the talk." I have had many boyfriends but have never been a big "dater" probably because I dread hearing the negative talk.

In recent months friends and I have been on the receiving end of several such talks. Apparently I missed the part of my education that informed me that the appropriate time to initiate "the talk" is after about three dates/encounters. I am torn as to whether this is enough time to make an informed decision about a person, or if, as one talker informed me, you will know immediately who is "the one" so three dates is sufficient...

It's a strange phenomenon because when someone wants to talk about "us" you always kind of hope that it will be the positive talk, and that they are going to say really flattering endearing things about how much they like you and how they want you in their life, etc. (even if you don't really care one way or the other). In my mind there is no reason to talk about "us" unless there is going to *be* an "us." The substance of the negative talk, at least to my progressive NYC girlfriends and me, is understood. We appreciate your honesty, but honestly it kinda kills our interest in seeing you again.

Another thing I must have missed was the pamphlet outlining the ideal canned "talk." It goes: "I just want to make sure we are on the same page. I'm at a strange place in my life and am not really looking for a girlfriend right now, so let's just keep this casual, ok?"

So what response can you give? Throw a drink in his face and storm out? Refuse to see him again unless he will be your boyfriend? Or continue seeing him in this nebulous "dating" stage, if only to prove that you never really cared anyways? And if you do that how does it end? Will one of you just stop returning the others phone calls? Will you meet someone who gives you the positive talk? Or will the two of you date long enough that before you know it you've got two kids and a house in the burbs?

Lastly - A friend of mine got the canned speech over e-mail yesterday and was flabbergasted. Her response was, "They call it 'the talk' for a reason. It's not 'the e-mail.'" The final lesson here is: if you have to give "the talk," at least do it in person.